Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
