sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Sponge bath it is.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
