I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize