Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
