i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
