The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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