This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
