He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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