Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
