Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
