i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
