Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
