I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
