Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
