WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize