you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
