she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My vagina just clenched in fear
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
