it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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