return my video game
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
