The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
