I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
