So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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