We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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