She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
