It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
