WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
