I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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