you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
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