the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
