I think im going to throw up on grandma
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
