I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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