My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Who died my cat blue again?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
