I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
