I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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