Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
