I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
