Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
