some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
