It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
