2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
