I think I died a long time ago.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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