Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize