Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Randomize
