I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
