Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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