What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
