and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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