If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
