I have demons in me.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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