He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It's never too late to be topless.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
be right there i have to get my cape
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
