I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
