just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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