i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
