Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
