What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
