He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
