I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
