ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
