I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
