I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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