I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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