Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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