my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
