Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
