You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Rumble strips road head = magical
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
