I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
