i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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