Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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