Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
