that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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