i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I still have a little drunk in my system
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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