She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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