Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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